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For some women, whenever their sex lives become dull or a bit less exciting, they come up with a mental catalogue of all the ways their partner isn’t quite measuring up. While men tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns us on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sexual satisfaction starts to wane.
Little do they know that they also make their fair share of bedroom errors because it takes two to tango. Top sex and relationship experts are of the belief that women make plenty of sex mistakes of their own, only that they do not realise this neither do they admit it.
On SexVille today, we highlight the six most common mistakes women make in the bedroom and what they can do to get the satisfaction back in their sex lives.
1: Not initiating sex with your partner
In the olden days, our parents pumped into our brains that it is unladylike for a woman to come out openly and initiate sex with her man. They felt that if a woman does that, she is seen as being pushy and aggressive but those times are long gone and men see women who allow them to do all the work as being prude.
Generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do. Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship.
Holding onto outdated ideas about sex roles also inhibits sexual satisfaction. Women are as much interested in sex as men, so why hold back when you want it?
Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience.
2: Worrying about your looks during sex
Many women lose sleep thinking what they look like during sex and this stops them from enjoying sex as much as they would want. This could even ruin their chances of achieving an orgasm.
If you spend the whole time thinking how fat you are, or how big your tummy is, you will not only inhibit your pleasure but that of your man as well.
Instead, concentrate on the pleasure of the act and give yourself permission to have an orgasm.
Men want their wives to abandon themselves in sex play, and that’s not likely if she is anxious about her physical concerns.
It is amazing what men don’t notice if you’re enthusiastic, energetic, interested in them, and flexible minded.
3: Assuming sex is casual for a man
Some women still hold to the old belief that sex is just sex for men while women are not sexual at all but modern research has shown that sex is a very important act for men and should not be minimized in any way.
Some researches even supports the idea that both men and women find sexual intimacy in the context of a committed relationship to be more satisfying and it is very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples.
Never assume that a man is not romantic. Two huge mistakes in this culture are that women are not sexual and that men are not as romantic as women, and this is a very wrong assumption held by many.
4: Believing he’s always up for sex
Another big mistake women make with sex is believing that men are always ready for it at anytime. Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing just about any time you ask, but this is not true for men. The pressures of everyday life, – family, work, bills – can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many women, and often his lack of interest in sex is something they take personal.
They know themselves that they are not always interested in sex but they still love the man. But when they discover he doesn’t want to have sex, they think, ‘he doesn’t love me.’ This is not true. He just doesn’t want to have sex at that time and that does not mean he loves you less.
5: Not giving him guidance
Talking very directly about sex, what we like and don’t like can make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and otherwise feel close to. But it’s the only way to achieve a satisfying sexual relationship.
A woman must take responsibility for her sexual encounter. No man can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her sexual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what she needs without her letting him know. Do not assume that your man knows every part of your body and thus, knows what to do at every point in time.
If you can tell him in a way that doesn’t kill his ego, he will appreciate it.
6: Getting upset when he suggests something new
After a couple has been together for a while, it’s natural to want to spice things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to try something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your sex life. In short: Don’t take it personally, though it is important that you tune into your comfort zone.
Nobody should ever feel obligated to do something they don’t want to do in the personal and intimate area of sexuality, so if your man asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals, make it clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why.
Of course, do this in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not really a moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain why. If it is a simply a startling request and you’re initially uneasy about it, try not to overreact.
Instead, let him know you need some time to think about it.
