A dirty affair i had

I have been with my husband for 17 years. In our first year together he, had sex with my best friend. I forgave him. It wasn’t until our 5th year together when I started having affairs. At first it started on the internet. I met a man in a chatroom and became very involved with him. I announced to my husband that I was going to Florida (we live in Canada) to be with this man. I was in Florida for only three weeks when my husband flew me back, forgave me and let me back into his life. I remained loyal for about a minute.I started having many affairs with men I would meet on the computer. My husband was drinking alot and hardly even noticed what was going on. He only became suspicious after I started sleeping with a man I worked with. We were spending alot of time together, sneaking around, being bad. My husband discovered the affair. There was a huge fight, police were involved and I left the house. My lover and I continued to see each other until he moved from the city. I returned to my husband. We started to heal. A year went by and I contacted my lover. We started emailing each other and it wasn’t long until we started having dirty chats which led to phone sex. He came to meet with me after a few years of being apart. We spent 2 days together in a hotel. He held my hand when we went out to eat. It was a wonderful 2 days. My husband had not a clue. My lover and I continued on email and telephone for another 3 years. About 5 months ago he announced he wanted to move back to the city, to be with me. I was reluctant. I just wasn’t ready to be a mother to his children and I had made a “life” here with my husband. We were doing okay. I satrted avoiding his calls. Not answering his emails.In May I met a man at work. He was a customer. He was the sexiest man I had ever met. I texted him something sexy. He responded. We became very sexual, very fast. Circumstances would not let us get together right away but we had plans and we discussed it often. We talked by email and texting everyday…sometimes all day. It was all consuming. I was getting in deep with this guy.We could hardly wait until we could get together. And then I got the text that would change everything. It was my lover of 9 years. He was in town, at the airport, enroute to pick up his youngest child who had been abducted by his mother 7 years prior. He had a layover in town and wanted to see me. I couldn’t believe this was happening. My head was spinning with all the drama, all the confusion. I went to pick him up from the airport. We went to the hotel and immediately had sex. I hated it. That night, at home, I spent 6 hours chatting with my new lover-to-be.

A few days later I arrived home to my husband, absolutely livid. He said, when I walked thru the door, “Were you at the aiport Fridaÿ?”
I said yes. I told him everything. I was caught. He saw the text with my lover asking me to come to the airport.

I could not admit to my new lover. I was not ready to let him go. I was protecting him. I sent an email to my old lover saying it was over between us. I showed the email to my husband and he seemed satisfied enough. He kept asking me if there was anything else, anyone else. I denied denied denied. But still I carried on with the new guy. We had still not gotten together physically. We were both reluctant, scared. Our relationship deepened as he became a spiritual guide for me. One minute we were talking about God and in the next breath talking about the amazing sex we could have. I once told him that wearing a man’s shirt after sex was sexy. He sent me one of his shirts. I told him he was out of my league. He said we weren’t playing baseball. He said I was beautiful. He said all the right things. I was falling for this guy. Hard.

My husband who, thru all of this, quit drinking. Now with a sharper mind, it was no surprise he discovered this new affair. I have now admitted to everything. I have told my husband that I broke it off with the new guy a couple of weeks ago. I only ended things yesterday. I am broken hearted. But at the same time I am hoping now that everything is on the table perhaps my husband and I can resolve the issues we have had for many, many years. This is our last chance.